


You Heal Slowly

by At_least_three_letters



Category: Sanders Sides (Web Series)
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-10-23
Updated: 2020-12-03
Packaged: 2021-03-09 02:47:48
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 7
Words: 4,403
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27166805
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/At_least_three_letters/pseuds/At_least_three_letters
Summary: Many an angst.This is going to have LOTS of parts, I'm sorry if things go wild-Also; I came up with this plot on the spot, pardon plot holes or anything. Hehe that rhymed
Relationships: Anxiety | Virgil Sanders & Morality | Patton Sanders, Deceit | Janus Sanders/Morality | Patton Sanders
Comments: 4
Kudos: 14





	1. Mistakes (EDITED)

**Author's Note:**

> Patton and Virgil get in a fight about morals; Pat, in his rage, hurts Virgil (verbally).

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I decided to redo this because I absolutely hated how short it was, and there wasn't any context. If you're going to continue to read my vile writing, you may want to reread this. Unless you didn't in the first place and you're getting here later than 10/23.)

"I'm just saying, lying isn't always bad, Pap-star." Virgil shrugged, as if it weren't a complete and total lie. See? Lying had to be bad every time; Virgil had just lied in a negative way.  
"Virg, you do know that slimy snake is getting in your brain. Are you even Virgil?" He gasped. Was Deceit trying to make him change? By FAKING being his SON? Well, not really his son, but he was practically adopted by Patton.  
"I know lying has always been bad to you. But maybe it's time to change. To open your eyes. What will the others say if you continue like this?" His eyes grew anxious and he looked away, eyebrows dropping slightly. Patton hated when he did that. He made him paranoid, even though it was Virgil's job to have anxiety. He was, after all, Thomas's anxiety.  
They continued to bark at each other about how Deceit wasn't a good person to follow and how his morals were out of whack, but Virgil refused to listen. Saying he was "lying for the better", or "trying to make us see with clear eyes". What did that even mean?! Patton could see fine, as long as he had his glasses. So could every other darn Side! This was ridiculous, and Patton knew it wouldn't end well, but he needed to try to at least make Virgil see where he was coming from. He NEEDED to. It was detrimental- big words, they reminded him of Logan- if he was to help the anxious side make the right choice.  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Patton clenched his fists, trying his best to keep his temper. Virgil was being quite unreasonable, to say the least. Everything he said seemed to be contradictory to the next thing that came out of his edgy mouth, or so it seemed. Pat was fed up.  
"Listen, you- you- YOU- I hate you!!" He yelled, in absolute fury. He immediately regretted it when he saw Virgil's face. It fell, shattered like a vase on the ground. He looked so shocked, so... Scared.  
Virgil didn't say anything, only closed his eyes tightly. A tear fell from his eye, shining like a grotesque shard of the moon. Patton reached out, desperate, but Virgil flinched back. He stumbled, over the edge of the coffee table, and dashed off to his room. Patton was crestfallen. He didn't mean it! He was just so angry it came out without being... True. He had lied. That... He never lied. He always tried to tell the truth. How could he? He was the monster here, not Virgil. He hated... He hated himself.  
"Virgil! I didn't mean it! Please... Come back..." He whispered, unable to continue. He dropped onto the couch, head falling to his hands. Patton felt tears rise, and let out a choked sob. How could he have done this?! He hurt his dark angel, he sweet and sour, his son, his prize. He loved Virgil as if he was his child. How could he? His mind flashed back to Remus, and what he'd said while introducing himself- however terrifying that had been. 'You can bet your bottom I'll still be around when all your loved ones leave!" Was that true?  
Maybe he should go to Remus. Maybe the dark creativity could help. But, on the other hand, what if Roman could help? Then, after thinking, he realized there was nobody he could go to. This was his mistake, his problem to fix. His wound to heal. But how?


	2. Fake it Till You Make It

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Patton, in an attempt to make things right, tries to console Virgil and apologise. After being denied, he must pretend around the other Sides that they never had the argument.
> 
> PS: Janus' dialogue is kind of confusing to read, I apologise.

Patton took a shaky breath, fingers resting on Virgil's door knob. He could do this, he could make it right. Of course he could; he was Patton! And Patton always knew what to do, right? ...Right?  
The music Virgil was playing suddenly stopped. The guitar ceased and the drum sets silenced. He knew what happened, and obviously didn't want to set things right. By the way it cut off so abruptly, Patton could tell. Normally he at least turned down the volume so it "faded" away. But now, it was as simple as could be. He was upset- and he had the right to be! Patton had said some terrible things and he felt horrible about it all.  
"What. Do. You. Want?" Virgil growled slowly, just behind the door. He heard the lock twitch and the door was flung open. Patton was suddenly faced with a furious, emotional man, standing in front of him and looking about ready to choke him out.  
"Virg, I'm sorry! I said some things I didn't mean. I feel so bad. I- forgive me, please." Patton entreated. He wanted Virgil back, to have his dark angel back. To see his embarrassed smile whenever Patton complimented him. He missed it so, so much. His hands wrung together, desperately trying to occupy his nervousness.  
"No." Virgil said simply, and whirled around. He closed his door behind him, and the lock clicked closed once more. Patton's face fell. He..he doesn't want this to be better? He doesn't want to solve their problem with him? Oh, gosh darn it, he thought angrily at himself. You sound so greedy. How, why? Why did he make such a big mistake? Why did he tell Virgil he hated him? He didn't! He loved his black swan like a son.  
Patton sunk down to the ground, huddled in the floor besides Virgil's locked up cave. He let out a small cry, anguished. He messed up so horribly. How was he to fix this? And how long would it last? How long would he have to suffer? A week, a day, a month? A year?!   
"I'm sorry...." He murmured, knowing nobody could hear. Not that they cared regardless.  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
Patton smiled, trying to ignore his aching heart. The other Sides had invited him to a movie night, and they decided to watch Groundhog Day. Remus sat behind the couch- most likely shirtless as usual- making his dirty comments. Logan watched silently and analyzed, scribbling notes furiously into his notebook. Roman sighed dramatically about how "movie comedy has declined" and "what happened to Disney?". So, the usual for a movie night.   
Virgil would normally be curled under his arm, taking in the night's movie in quiet happiness, but he refused to be anywhere near Patton lately. Not that he could blame the anxious man, he messed up bad. He felt tears prick his eyes at the very thought of how it used to be. Less than a week ago, Virgil was dancing with him and laughing out of pure joy, soft hands entwined in his.  
He just wanted Virg back. It was clear, though, that it wouldn't happen for a while. He couldn't heal his mistakes now, and he doubted he could a year from now. He began to grow lost in his thoughts, mind capturing him with it's wishful thinking. He imagined Janus and Virgil, maybe even Remus, having a jolly good time with each other. Fitting, he thought, surprised when he heard how bitter his mental voice was. They were all dark sides, anyways. They could hang out if they wanted. Not like he could stop them! He didn't seem to ever be enough for any of the other Sides.  
"...Patton?" Janus murmured, leaning against the door frame. He must have just come in. Patton snapped his head up to see the slimy snake wave him over. Patton detached himself from Roman, who had clung to his arm and complained about being cold. Roman growled as he got up, and Pat shot him an apologetic look.  
"Yeah?" He asked, nervous. He had never really interacted with Janus too much. Neither had he ever tried. He didn't want to be near someone who could only lie, deceive everyone for his own good. He was the reason Virgil refused to talk with him! Stupid to be angry at such a petty thing, but it happened and it was too late to go back. Much to late.  
"Virgil *doesn't* sound pretty upset. Can you go try and console him?"  
"He doesn't... Want to be around me."  
"What do you mean? I *do* understand."  
"Everything's fine between us. I think.."  
"You guys *didn't* have an argument?"  
A moment's silence.  
"Yeah....."  
"I'm *not* sorry. Do you want me to *not* help?"  
"No, no. I'm sure if I give it time, he might... Forgive me." Patton covered his mouth, not wanting to say any more. He suddenly collapsed into Janus, face contorting in grief. Tears cascaded from his eyes. He hated now having Virgil. He needed him, and he needed help from Janus. The lying Side lay a comforting hand on Pat's back, rubbing his gloved fingers in a soothing circular motion.  
"Hey, hey, it *won't* be Ok. I'm *not* sure he'll forgive you."  
"I said I hated him. I didn't mean it, Janus. I messed up so bad and I don't know how to fix it! I always know what to do. Why is this different?"  
"I know, I know. Shh.."   
Janus pulled him against the wall, sinking down and letting Patton sob into his jacket. He clung desperately, not caring that he absolutely hated the other Side before. If he was willing to listen, then Patton was willing to give him a chance. He had to. Face buried, he whispered a "thank you" into Janus's leather coat. His bucket hat dipped and touched Pat's head, hair stirring against it.  
"It's alright. It *won't* be alright." Janus whispered, forehead resting on his. Patton wiped his eyes and looked up at Janus, giving him a shaky smile. He nodded, slowly. Pat knew, somewhere deep inside, that Janus had formed a bond with him in that moment that wouldn't break. Strong and unique; different from the one Virgil and him shared, but still wonderfully comforting. His heart calmed at the mere thought of having the snake-like Side in his corner. Maybe this wouldn't be so bad, after all.


	3. Fake it Till You Make It, Pt. 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> More guilty Patton! :'D
> 
> I get Remus and Janus mixed up for whatever reason I'm so sorry

Did I fall asleep? He wonders, looking blearily up to see Janus, head leaning back into the wall. His shoulders were dropped and his scales, located on the side of his face, shone under the gentle light of the hallway's weak lightbulb. His forehead muscles relaxed, Janus looked at ease. A gentle snore drifted from his lips and Pat couldn't help but smile. He was curled up, on the ground of the hallway, in the snake man's lap. It was warm and comfortable, he didn't want to move. But he knew he would have to, eventually. He could just savor this moment a bit longer...  
He pulled himself under Janus's coat, chilly, and inhaled his sweet smell. Like the smell of newly hatched snakes... A wonderfully nice thing to breathe in. His eyes flutter closed, and he rested his chin on Janus's chest, arms wrapped around his new friend's neck. His legs twined around his torso, and he matched his breathing with Janus. They may be different- in many ways- but they already shared more with each other than Virgil and Patton ever did; even without words. Patton looked up, seeing Janus, calm, and watched him to make sure he would be alright while he slept. Poor guy probably needed it. He knew how tiresome Remus, his roommate, could get.  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
"Patton?" Janus murmured, fingers drifting off to Patton's hair. They combed through slowly, a smile toying with his lips. Patton's heart skipped a beat, seeing the surprisingly handsome man's small, pointed teeth behind his lips. His soft, pink, kissable lips...  
"Hello, Janus. How did you sleep, kiddo?" Patton returned the smile, trying his best to stay cheerful when, really, as soon as he noticed Janus had awoken. He leaned into the gloved touch, enjoying the stirring in his hair. His eyes closed again, happily. This was nice. He could get used to it- very used to it. He began to purr, slowly. Janus's eyebrows raised, a smirk raising one corner of his lips.  
"I slept well. You're warm.. and *not* purring." He observed, a small chuckle coiling around his ears and slipping inside, rattling on (in?) his eardrums. A pleasant noise, really.  
"It feels nice!" Patton gasped, hiding his face. Janus continued the stroking of his curly hair, fingers pulling through gently. The curls bounced with each touch. He nuzzled into Janus, nose buried in his chest. His hands drifted up to Janus's collar, and he began to fidget with the gold rimmed cloth. Folding the corners down, rolling it over his fingers slowly, enjoying the soft fabric. His hands came to rest on Jan's shoulders.  
Janus snorted, "alright then. The floor *is* comfortable, why don't we move?" He suggested quietly. Patton nodded and, to his surprise, Janus picked him up with ease! He gasped, clinging to Jan in shock. He hadn't realized how strong this man was! Janus chuckled again, seemingly more cheery around him.  
He pushed the green door, adorned with gold lettering spelling "JANUS", open and slid over the navy blue, rough-looking carpet with barely any effort. He reached his twin size bed and set Patton down gently, smiling down at him before pulling away from him and drifting to the door slowly, closing it. It shifted the carpet, making a darker, almost black mark where the door had moved. Patton reached forward and made grabbing motions for Jan's warmth and comforting touch.   
Janus sighed, a smile on his mouth, and sank down onto the bed with him. Pat curled into Janus, arms wrapping the man closer. He smiled wistfully. This was quite nice. Janus set his chin onto Pat's head. He murmured to himself, and Patton twisted to see him, eyes questioning.  
"What are you whispering about, kiddo?"  
"Nothing. It's just... *Not* nice to be here, with you."  
"Is that so?" Patton blushed slightly, and Janus nodded. He closed his eyes and nuzzled closer. He agreed entirely with Janus. It was nice to be with Jan.   
"I think so too. But..."  
"But?"  
"What will I do about Virgil? I don't how I'm supposed to fix this!"  
"Give him time. He *does not* get angry, and very stubborn, but after a while he'll forgive you. The longest he's ever *not* been upset with me is... I *don't* think a week."  
"Really? So he'll stop soon? It's been three darn days since we fought."  
Janus whistled. "Three?"  
Patton nodded slowly, disappointed in himself. He made it sound like such a big deal; like they just tried to kill each other, not got in a petty argument.  
"What happened?" Janus whispered, looking down at the shaking man in his arms. Patton didn't answer, nor did he want to. Jan sighed, sounding understanding. He couldn't tell his new friend they split because of him! That would be horrible. Jan would never forgive either of them.  
"It's... Complicated."  
"I get it. It *doesn't* seem to be a touchy subject," Janus said, but sounded slightly disappointed. Patton's heart twisted. He hated lying to his friends. Especially ones who had helped him as Janus was. Urgently, he took Jan's face in his hands. He looked away, heart racing, and rubbed Janus's scales. Pat took a deep breath and looked back, face hot.  
"P-Pat..." Janus whispered, gasping quietly. He melted into Patton's touch, a smile spreading across his lips. His eyes drifted closed, and Pat leaned into Janus, pressing his nose onto the deceitful Side's. His fingers continued to stroke the keeled scales, in up and down and circular motions.  
His face was still held in Patton's hands, but Janus leaned in until there was barely a hairs space between their lips. They parted, a breath pushing through slowly. And, closing his eyes, Pat prepared himself for what would come next...  
"Good morning, you two! O-oh. OH. Well, uh- uhm-" Remus's eyes went wide. He had just burst in through his door, and walked in to Patton and Janus about to kiss. He backed up, closing his door and his feet could be heard dashing down the hall, away and away until the silence was almost choking.  
"I- uhm..." Patton scrambled away, face beet red. He stumbled, landing on the floor heavily and standing quickly. He brushed off his pants and turned quickly. He shuffled himself out of the room, breathing fast. His heart was going so fast and was thumping so loudly, he thought the others down the hall could hear. He tore down the hall, ducking into his room and snapping the lock desperately. He fumbled with it, desperate to lock himself in. Finally, it shifted closed and the door was unable to open until he unlocked it. He collapsed onto his bed, face burning. Clutching a pillow close, he screeched into it in utter and complete embarrassment.  
Tears rose up fast. What would the others say if Remus spilt? If he told the others? A cry ripped from his mouth, muffled by the pillow. Why did he do that? And how did it evolve so quickly?!  
A knock sounded on his door. Pat looked up, wary.

"Patton? It's Remus, can I come in?"


	4. Announcement

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Just a little announcement. Sorry if you were looking for an update!

Hello! I've decided to take a little hiatus. Most likely only till the end of the week, but it may stretch way out; we're talking months. The chances of something that dramatic are quite slim, though!  
I've been trying to figure myself out. Between a family which refuses to except me for who I am, gender dysphoria, the hellish school, and depression. It's all getting to be too much and I need a break.  
I apologise again! I know I'm just a small creator and nobody will really see this, but I figured I'd put it here so as not to upset anyone. I'll probably end up upsetting someone with this anyways, though... If I do, I'm terribly sorry.  
Thank you, whoever is reading this. For taking the time to acknowledge my existence, and for just getting this far. I'm proud of you; keep going. It may seem rough, but you'll get through it! ♡


	5. He Found Me

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Patton and Remus have a conversation just after he and Janus had almost kissed, but Remus interrupted.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm back~ tried to involve a bit more of Remus's personality in this one. He seemed a bit off to me last chapter. Enjoy!

Patton's eyes widened. Why was Remus, of all people, here?! And what did he want? Patton just knew he was going to make snide, dirty remarks. It was who the lewd side was; intrusive. Although he preferred "creative" or "demented", Patton could never stop thinking of him as exactly what he was. Thomas's intrusive thoughts.  
"I- I'm not here!" Patton gasped, face burning. So much for trying to hide. Remus laughed, and Pat could hear him through the door like it wasn't there. The dark side had a habit of laughing all too loudly. The laugh faded and Remus replied, "I know you're in there. There's no use in hiding. Now let me in, Patton, before I rip off your nipples and shove them up your nose."  
Patton stiffened. He remembered vividly when Remus first came around how he had threatened Logan with the same thing, and how wrong it went. The panic he had felt when Logan's teeth were seen lodged inside his nose.  
"Remus..." He whispered, fists clenching. He didn't want to, but Patt knew he would have to. It was too risky to not. Think, Patton, of how well this could go! He thought, trying to stay optimistic. Remus hummed in response. The stupid man was always so cheery, he hated it! It was Patton's job to be preppy. Even if Remus was preppy in a... Different way. "The door is unlocked." He seethed, balling up so he didn't have to face it all. He was scared. Of all the sides, Pat was... Scared. Remus pushed the door open slowly, and it creaked against the weight he pressed on it so it would open. Patton had felt like he was hiding himself from the other sides, which he hated. So he had unlocked the door and prayed nobody came in. His mouth felt dry as Remus fell down into the soft, stuffed animal loaded bed with a content sigh. The plushies fell onto him, and he laughed. "You have a lot of these. Can I fuck one?" "What?!! No! Remus! What do you even want?!" A moment's pause. "I want.. to talk." "And?" "What do you mean, 'and'? Isn't it obvious, you bimbo? I walked in on you and Janus getting ready to do the dirty!" "REMUS! You know da- I mean- DARN well that kiss was as far as it would go!" "Do I?" Patton growled, throwing himself out of the ball position he had taken on. He stood over Remus, who wiggled his eyebrows suggestively. Gosh, he hated this guy! He always had. His shoulders slumped disappointedly. "I doubt it would have even gotten to a kiss, even if you haven't walked in.. his eyes said he loved me, but what- how am I supposed to know what he's thinking? We literally know him as Deceit!" Patton's head dropped. "Someone's uncertain~ think of it like this; Janus, he .. it hurts him to lie. So for him to say something like that, even with his eyes... It would take a lot out of him. I don't think he was lying. He's never let anyone get that close, not that I've seen." Remus admitted, looking directly into Pat's eyes. Patton gave him a tired smile. He had always been the person to give sweet words like that, not Remus. Sometimes even Logan said things like that. How was he supposed to respond? He settled for something simple, something he hoped was Ok for Remus. His brain was too confused to think anything else. "Thank you, Remus. I mean it." He held out his arms, and was surprised when the strong, intrusive side fell into him. He kept most of his weight off, but what he did allow to press into Patton was rough and raw. He obviously didn't hide any feelings. "You're welcome. Now go fuck him!" Remus grinned. "REMUS!" He laughed, trying to keep a light mood. Even if this side disgusted him, he had to admire the cheery disposition Remus displayed. "Try, and try hard. I hear he has two dic-" Patton shoved him away playfully before sprinting for the door. He turned to Remus and said a few final words before exiting. "I will. I'm gonna leave you in here kiddo, but don't do anything to my stuff!"


	6. I'll Do It For You, Remus

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bam! Sorry I was gone so long. Enjoy~

Patton took a shaky breath. After his conversation with Remus, he was confident he could talk to Janus. At least look his way. His heart raced, excited at the prospect of talking to the man he almost kissed. The man he... Almost kissed. The... The man he almost... Kissed. Gosh, did that sound weird! It had all happened so fast; where did the time go? It was already almost midnight. He doubted Janus would be awake at this hour. He was surprised his eyes were still open in the first place.  
He stepped out of his room, hands trembling as they tied together, locking anxiously. Patton didn't want to talk to Janus, but he couldn't just leave what had happened with them alone! It was.. wrong. He hated doing things wrong. Not knowing the answer. It drove him insane. Either way, he needed to fix what he'd done. He got too involved with the deceitful side, and now he was going to pay the price for it.  
"Janus...?" He murmured knocking on the door to his room softly. A tired groan echoed through to his ears. Pat couldn't help but giggle. Of course Jan was asleep. Wait... Jan? When did that name start? Gosh. He was sure being weird today. He got too shaky and excited when it came to Janus.  
He shook his head and pushed the door open. Seeing Janus asleep and peaceful as he had been before they almost... He shook his head. Not now. He refused to ruin this moment. He shifted his feet and drew himself closer, finally coming to a stop at Janus's matress. He fell down onto it and folded himself into Janus, cold and desperate for attention. All the sudden, he became smaller and fit perfectly into Janus's arms. Janus, in his sleep, pulled Patton into his arms.  
Patton sighed, content. His eyes drifted shut, brain floating off into La-La land. He was happy to stay here forever, safe in his lovers arms. Lover? Sure. He didn't care yet. He was too sleepy. Before he could freak out about his mistake... Sleep. Sleep with Janus. Not in a dirty way! Get that outta here. He really had to stop breaking the fourth wall; he did it all the time in an unpublished series of Author's. Gah! Stop it, Patton, he reminded himself.


	7. With Me In Your Arms

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Wholesome time!!

Patton awoke suddenly to a shift behind him. His eyes opened blearily and he turned slightly to see Janus, staring down at him. Pat felt his face go beet red. He tucked into Janus closer, adoring the warmth he secreted. Like mucus, but much more welcome. Janus began to sift through Patton's hair slowly, a smile drifting onto his lips. Patton closed his eyes, forehead coming to rest on his lovers chest. Could he call Janus his lover? Would he be Ok with that? He was sure he loved him, but he could only hope Janus adored him as much as Patton did him. It was Sall uncertain now, though he was sure it would become more clear in the future.  
"Good morning," he murmured softly, pressing a tiny kiss to Patton's forehead. Patton stifled a gasp; he has kissed him. Even if it was just on the forehead...  
"Good morning..." He trailed off, leaning hard into Janus's comforting touch. This was nice, he could certainly get used to it. Wonderfully nice. Nicely wonderful- however you wanted to word it, it was enjoyable.   
Janus set his chin on Patton's head, sighing. Patton reached up and began to stroke his scaled gently, heart tumbling and skipping every other beat. He was worried about how Janus would react to the touches on his cool, smooth scales. He smiled faintly when Janus moaned softly, a reaction he wasn't expecting. Janus's cold hand fell to his and their fingers entwined. Pat rubbed his scales continuously with his thumb. Janus arched his back, rubbing against Patton and nibbling his neck. Patton stiffened, shocked. He quickly relaxed, however, falling in love with the touch of Janus's teeth to his sensitive neck. He groaned a bit, pressure being applied to the crook of his neck. A suckling motion made him stop. His heart dropped.  
"Janus... What are you doing?"


End file.
